A bitter sweet day. RIP #Sarge. #EnglishBulldog #Toronto #Ontario #ShaunaBlack

Today the Search for Sarge comes to a bitter sweet end in Toronto, Ontario. On what would be his 5th birthday, his body was found. He has been missing since January 6, 2012 and his owner, Shauna Black, had worried about the possibility of him falling through ice into frigid waters below and today her worry was confirmed. He had in fact fallen through the ice and drown in the icy waters.

Shauna has a way with words that can make you feel exactly how she feels. On January 20 she wrote:

“Two weeks ago, I let Sarge out for a pee on the deck. Two minutes later he was gone. His footsteps led me out off the rocky peninsula, and onto the lake. The lake was very thin, broken through in places. Places where his footsteps ended. I dug through the water. I howled. I feel sorry for the half-dozen + folks who were on my speed dial, I’m sure I didn’t sound human. 30 minutes later the cops showed and pointed out more footsteps leading to more broken puddles. Was he standing right to my left watching me while I was wailing? Were those footsteps even his? Every psychic, intuitive, dog conversationalist, dream interpreter has kept me hoping/terrified with graphic stories of struggles, caves, warm cars, fields, “he’s waiting for you”… it just gets worse. If he made it across the water, it’s a miracle. If he survived sub-zero temperatures wet in the woods, why did so many people not find him? SHAUNA WE LOOKED EVERYWHERE. I had to come home I just had to. This isn’t getting any easier. Having lunch with my old boss who owes me a bottle of Veuve Cliquot from a stupid football bet he made. Then faxes to more shelters & vets. Dinner with Steven & Duke. Another day without my boy to strut down Yonge Street.”

On January 28 she wrote:

“Whole years of joy glide unperceived away, while sorry counts the minutes as they pass.”

If he belly-flopped into the freezing water while chasing a chipmunk, I pray he went fast with dreams of his kill. My little rock star. Is his chunky body is found today, I can bring him home. If he’s drifting… I pray he is not forgotten and recovered in the spring when the lake thaws. If someone picked him up on the road, I pray he’s not thinking I abandoned him and is being treated like the king of dogs until he is returned to me, or we find him. I pray I am granted the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. I pray I will believe that I did everything I could. I pray the days get easier. Oh my boy. I miss you so much. “The misery of keeping a dog is his dying so soon. But to be sure, if he lived for fifty years then died, what would become of me?” It’s not getting any easier, but my god the LOVE you have shown. The love I have in me. People are good. I’m forever changed for the better. Thank you. Please send us good thoughts for a safe day.” 

Her pain flowed through my blood on February 3rd:

“Okay. I’m okay. One month today. Four weeks. 28 days. Ups & downs. Ups are higher, downs are lower but the shock has worn off & I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Drinking too much smoking too much laughing a lot crying a lot. What can I do? Thank you groundhog. Happiest when with friends. Breathing. Sleeping in my bed. Looking at his face. Spending time alone. Bit all my nails off. Catching up on Cori Street. ow. ow. Okay. I’m okay. I’m going to be okay. Go Pats.” 

Today she has closure and can be at peace that Sarge is not suffering but instead playing with the rest of our furry angels in heaven. Both Shauna and Sarge left an imprint on my heart and I don’t even know them. I’ll never forget them and feel as though I’ve lost someone really special today too.

RIP Sarge!

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2 thoughts on “A bitter sweet day. RIP #Sarge. #EnglishBulldog #Toronto #Ontario #ShaunaBlack

  1. Oh Juli: I thought I cried hard for Sarge and his Mom yesterday when I emailed you the news. It was nothing like reading these posts (that I had already read and cried over) put together. Shauna’s words wrap around my heart and get caught in my throat like they are coming from me. The tears that came are as if Sarge was my own. It’s amazing how someone elses loss, their grief can touch you so personally. I wish I could reach out and give Shauna a hug because I have no words. Run Free Sarge with those who have crossed the bridge before you, and be waiting there for Gracie when her time comes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y95sp2-PltI

    • Heidi-

      When I read your email about Sarge to me, I instantly cried too! I’m glad I got the news from you though- I know how much your heart was involved in finding Sarge alive and safe. Shauna really does have a way with words, though. Her posts were gut-wrenching and really made you feel her pain. I know Sarge reminds you of Gracie and you know I’m sad when you’re sad!

      Also, thinking of your friend who is going through a hard time with her EB too. So much sadness.

      XOXO,
      Juli

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